There are 358 teams in Division 1 basketball, which translates to roughly 5,370 players on active rosters. Some players’ names are redundant (see Ali Ali of the Akron Zips or Akok Akok – ‘a-cook a-cook – of the UConn Huskies). Other names are a wildly unique combination of words (see Wheza Panzo of the Stetson Hatters). There’s even a category of names whose pronunciation rivals their uniqueness (see Both Gach – pronounced ‘booth gotch’ – of the Utah Utes, previously of the Minnesota Gophers, previously of the Utah Utes…it’s a long story). The list of notable names in men’s college basketball is extensive, wild, and wacky. In the spirit of narrowing it down to 15 players (a full roster) with names as good as their games, I give you your 2021-2022 All-Name Team.

Boo Buie, Northwestern

Killer alliteration on this one. Pronounced ‘Boo Boo-ee’, this Northwestern junior guard is a streaky player on an even streakier team. Unfortunately for Mr. Buie, his Wildcats have been streaking in the wrong direction for much of this season and currently own a sub .500 overall record with a sub .500 showing in conference play. Northwestern’s season would have gone a hell of a lot worse without Buie’s 15 points, 3 rebounds, and 4 assists per game. Boo’s court vision and sharp shooting are a scary tandem for opponents to defend and his A+ name should prove a bit more relevant as Northwestern looks to build towards a more successful 2022-2023 campaign.

Flo Thamba, Baylor

Not to be confused with current NBA center and former Texas Longhorn Mo Bamba, Baylor’s senior forward Flo Thamba has made a name for himself during his 4-year career with the Bears. Thamba has never been a stat stuffer per se, but his teammates and coaches are quick to point to him as a tone setter for last year’s Champs. He is a mountain inside and very unfun to try and score against.

Remy Martin, Kansas

Let’s raise a glass to Remy Martin, the Big 12 Pre-Season Player of the Year who has been surprisingly irrelevant for a title-contending Kansas squad. Martin played his previous four seasons at Arizona State, where he was the Sun Devils’ sixth all-time scoring leader and averaged close to 20 PPG in his final two seasons under Bobby Hurley. A lot of hype surrounded Mr. Cognac entering this year but he’s spent most of the season hobbled by injury. When Martin has played, he’s proven to be a bit of a handful adjusting – or not adjusting – to Bill Self’s system. No matter how you spin it, Martin is a hell of a player who could prove to be the icing on the Kansas roster cake en route to another Rock Chalk Final Four run.

Jamaree Bouyea, San Francisco

“Boo-ya Bouyea ” is pretty fun to shout after every Jamaree Bouyea (pronounced ‘Boo-yay’) bucket. The USF Dons’ star senior point guard is a viewing treat on the floor, dishing delicious dimes and cashing in from long rang on a nightly basis. Bouyea shoots nearly 50% from the floor, averaging over 16 points and 4 assists. Look out for this chap in the NCAA Tourney – certainly a face that could lead his team to a 12-5 upset.

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Foster Loyer, Davidson

Foster Loyer (pronounced like lawyer) has had an up and down collegiate career, with his current junior season being a peak ensuing his previous valley at Michigan State. Sometimes a change of scenery does wonders – Loyer boosted his average from 4 points to 16 points per game and has shown marked improvement in just about every statistical category year over year. Loyer and fellow guard Hyunjung Lee are a problematic match up for any defense.

Abu Kijab, Boise State

Abu Kigab (pronounced ‘key-jab’) is a 6’7” 220 lb Swiss Army Knife with a sleek blend of strength, shiftiness, and shot-making. The Bronco’s senior stud has a bright professional future as a wing scorer and would have already made the jump had he not suffered a torn labrum during Boise State’s final game of the 2020-2021 regular season. Kigab is back to full strength this year and is tearing it up in the Mountain West, averaging 14.5 points, 6 rebounds, 1 steal and 2 assists. His wingspan and vertical – coupled with his aggression and motor – make him an imposing threat in the lane, but if defenses sell out on stopping Kigab’s driving ability he can just as easily spot up and shoot over them from the perimeter. Kigab is the heart and soul of a very talented and deep Boise State team that has a legitimate shot at winning an NCAA tournament game.

Fatts Russell, Maryland

Daron ‘Fatts’ Russell is a 23-year-old senior transfer who joined the Maryland Terrapins after three years at Rhode Island. Fatts is fast, feisty, and Phat. He boasts prolific NBA range and runs opposing defenses – and offenses – into the ground, but his Terrapins haven’t played up to expectations. Their only of Dancing resides in an improbable run in the Big Ten tournament. Stranger things have happened in March…

Adonis Arms, Texas Tech

Adonis Arms might take the cake for the best combination of name, talent, and story. Arms barely played as a senior in high school and attended Mesa Community College following no scholarship offers. He transferred to Division II Northwest Nazarene and then joined a talented mid-major Winthrop squad that went toe to toe with Nova in the round of 64 last year. Arms took advantage of an extra year of eligibility (thanks Covid) and transferred to Texas Tech, where he has emerged as one of the Red Raiders’ most reliable starters. He dunks violently (and frequently) and protects his house on the defensive end, all as a 6’5″ 200 pound guard. No moment or opposing player is too big for this guy.

Ochai Agbaji, Kansas

Ochai Agbaji (pronounced oh-chai og-bod-gee) has the highest NBA upside on this list. He is a quintessential four-year Jayhawk who has evolved from role player to National Player of the Year candidate. Agbaji has good size and strength for a guard (6’5″ 215 lbs), shoots 40% from three, is a heck of a rim presence when he needs to be, and above all else, knows how to win. He is the unanimous leader in the clubhouse and an extension of Bill Self on the floor. He’ll be a key player to watch during the Big 12 and NCAA Tournaments as he has the ability to elevate his team from great to elite. Don’t be surprised if he’s cutting down the nets in April.

Leaky Black, North Carolina

If Leaky Black were an A+ NBA talent, he would have an amazing future in the jersey-buying market. His career average of 5 points won’t put him in that category following the conclusion of his senior season as a Tar Heel, but he’s one of six UNC players all time to put up 500 points, snag 400 rebounds, dish out 200 assists, register 100 steals, and get 50 blocks. The previous five were James Worthy, George Lynch, Jackie Manuel, David Noel, and Danny Green. That ain’t bad company. Likable guy on a likable (but mediocre) UNC squd.

Jonathan Tchamwa Tchatchoua, Baylor

Pour one out for Jonathan Tchamwa Tchatchoua (pronounced ‘cham-wa cha-chua’), who suffered a season-ending knee injury mid February. Known as ‘Everyday Jon’ for his consistent high energy play, Tchamwa Tchatchoua was an interior force for the Bears dating back to Baylor’s championship run a year ago. His stats didn’t jump off the page – 8 points and 7 rebounds a game – but Tchamwa Tchatchoua was nevertheless a crucial ingredient to the Bear’s winning formula and his absence could prove to be the difference between a deep tournament run and a early round exit.

Honorable Mentions:

• Souley Boum (‘Boom’)- UTEP, leading scorer in his conference
• Ques Glover – Samford, 20 point scorer on a SoCon contender
• Johnny Juzang – UCLA, future lottery pick for a Final Four (repeat) contender
• Too many others to keep listing like Roman Penn (Drake), Chris Cross(!!!) (Southern Illinois), Tylor Perry (North Texas), Charlie Moore (Miami), and of course dominant big man Kofi Cockburn (…it’s pronounced ‘co-burn’) of Illinois.